


Time

by KarenHardy



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Apologies, F/F, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Sibling Bonding, Sibling Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-04-05 07:37:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19044061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KarenHardy/pseuds/KarenHardy
Summary: Connor knew he was an asshole. Zoe knew she may never forgive him. Everything takes time.





	Time

“Hey Zoe, can we talk?”

Zoe looked up. She hadn’t been expecting those words, especially not from Connor. She nodded and he stepped into her room tentatively. He stood out of place in her room. Her room, the safe haven, with cream walls and lavender baseboards. Her room, the oasis, with white curtains and cushions. Her room, the shelter, with soft music, soft light, soft blankets. And here he stood, black and tall, all hard edges and rough textures. Or was he?

“What did you want to talk about?” She questioned, putting down her pencil and turning around in her swivel chair, back to the desk where she’d been working.

“I’m sorry.”

The world slowed, the music stopped, the oasis dried up.

“Sorry?” She repeated.

“I’m sorry. For everything. Everything I said, did, thought- I’m so fucking sorry, Zoe.”

She wasn’t quite sure how to respond. She couldn’t respond. How do you respond when someone apologises after so long?

“I know you hate me. You deserve to hate me. I know you’ll never forgive me. But I needed you to know.”

A beat of silence. Two. Three. And then she found her voice.

“Why?”

“I was messed up. I don’t want to make excuses. I-”

“No, why are you apologising  _ now _ ? For as long as I’ve ever known you, you only apologise when there’s something in it for you.”

“There is.” Connor admitted.

There it was, the truth comes out. She sighed, folding her arms in her lap, her shoulders framing her build and making her look small. That was an art she’d mastered; looking small, that is. When everyone around you is big, you start to feel it, and soon enough, you learn to look the part.

“What do you want, Connor?” She laced her voice with venom, her words spitting glass. There was no other way to protect herself, she’d learned. You let your walls down, and the world comes crumbling after.

He looked hurt. Was he everything she’d thought he was? Was the knife blade behind her lips too much?

“I want to start over.” He said.

And the world came down.

“Start over?” She echoed.

“I want to be a good brother. I’m trying. I’m trying to quit smoking, pot  _ and _ cigarettes. I’m not drinking anymore, even at parties. I’m trying to be a good son, too. To mom and dad. I’m getting ready to tell them the truth about Evan.”

“You’re getting clean for him?” Zoe asked.

“No.” Connor ran a hand through his hair- how long had those highlights been there? “I’m getting clean for me first. Then for him, and for you.”

“For me?”

Why would he do anything for her? Why would he care that much? To give up something that was a staple of his life?

“Yeah, Zo. For you. I love you.”

Time they say, heals all wounds. But how could she heal when in that moment, with those three words, time had stopped?

“You hate me.” She said slowly.

“No, I don’t. I never did. I hate myself. But I’m trying to get better. I-”

“If you never hated me, why did you say you wanted me dead?”

“Because I wanted to be dead.”

“But that was-”

“No excuse. I know.”

“I was going to say your issue. Not mine. Don’t cut me off when you’re trying to apologise, Connor. It’s not a good practice.” Zoe reprimanded curtly.

“Sorry.” Connor nodded in understanding.

It was a peculiar look on him, understanding. She’d never seen him so much as  _ try _ to look at a different point of view.

“Are you really sorry?” She asked. “For everything. Mom and dad aren’t putting you up to this? Evan’s not putting you up to this?  _ Alana’s _ not putting you up to this?”

“Mom and dad don’t know. Neither does Alana. I ran the idea by Evan, but no, he’s not forcing me to do this in any way, and it has nothing to do with the massive crush he used to have on you in his sophomore year.”

“Evan had a crush on me?”

“Oh yeah.  _ Massively _ . Jared told me all about it when me and Ev first got together.”

“Huh. I didn’t even notice.”

“Because you didn’t even notice  _ him _ .” Connor pointed out.

“Fair. So...” She locked into his gaze, heterochromatic eyes serious and searching. “You’re sorry.”

“Very.”

“Well… you’re right. I don’t think I can forgive you.”

His eyes seemed to lose hope until she continued.

“Right now.”

Blue and brown eyes lit up like the fairy lights she hung above her bed, to mimic the stars that she and Alana loved to pick constellations from late at night when they were meant to be asleep.

“Truce?” He proposed.

“Truce.” She nodded.

She got up slowly and approached him cautiously, opening her arms for a hug. He embraced her.

Time started again. And so did they.


End file.
